As redemptive journeys go, this one seems... skewed.  When life got complicated in Ildir, when avoiding the Tong seemed impossible for two girls who lived to get into trouble, Ivan came and swept us away to adventure all over the place.  Traveling to volcanoes and the the sea, showing Jovi and I how amazing the world was and all the things we could do.  He turned my life upside down and looking back at it, he did that on purpose.  Suddenly everything revolved around him. I used to quietly blame Jovi for his death, just in the back of my mind, because she had wanted to go back to Ildir to check on her Dad.  But I remember now, now that I am sober and really thinking about it, it was Ivan who suggested a return.

But that doesn't really matter anymore.  Ivan is dead.  Jovi is probably dead.  And I am again returning to Ildir.  Ironically I am ready to face whatever comes, but Olive needs me.  With Gene unable to back her up she needs... well it varies between a shoulder to cry on and a swift kick in the ass and I can give her both so long as I am not killed by the Tong.

So as long as she needs me I will be there, I will be hiding in the helpful bus like a coward, but I will be doing it for her.  Maybe Gene will get better and then I can finally end all this and move on.