When do I feel alive? It’s not here at night, waiting for everyone to wake up. They’re all in their bedrolls dreaming, but there’s a big sky above that has endless possibilities. I feel life earlier in the day when Bird Girl brought everyone to us. They had strange looks when they heard us passing the time. The tune went a bit like this.

“We’re on the ship that never ends

Sailing upon all waves and bends

Some sailors started spotting it not knowing what it was

But ghosts continue sailing it forever just because…”

An old song that I heard from Kengar. Never could keep a tune – the lot of us.

We left some hints along the way – Vani and Dorian are good at that. They help in big ways and were nice enough to join me. I know that Dorian doesn’t like it and it will lead to more trouble. But there’s an innocent girl involved and everyone deserves a chance to be free.

When do I feel alive? It’s not when walking with the wind. What comes from your back against the wind other than moving to your destination a bit more quickly? There are no scents to chase in the wind, no sounds to pursue. Just going quickly to nowhere.

We catch the sounds of skirmishing in the old woods. J dulled the sounds of our prints we leave in the loam below, and we walk together as one. One step. One breath. One crew. One family. As we near the clearing I catch something. Scents of bloodshed – suffering in the blood. The sounds have stopped and I look into the clearing. Hulking doglike creatures await – five of them. They’re fragrant with blood and it smells delicious. The scent is intoxicating. Why? It doesn’t matter. I break into the clearing, alive.

--

A snarling creature from a hellacious landscape stands in front of me, flail in hand. Beaded eyes glance blankly into mine. I approach and the creature does not react – I cut true and it stands no longer. A tide erupts from the crumbling form before me – my anchor is red with its residue. Its companions lurch their heads toward me but my family cuts in with blades and arrows and beams of purple light. They are caught in our clutch and squeal while fighting for their lives.

In this dance a figure cackles with mad delight – a creature with a glaive half again its body. Ildan meets it but needs to cock his head to stare into its maw, and it bursts in horrible song. A reverberation slides through the glade, rustling creatures - dead and alive - in the underbrush. I turn to face it, but another of its kin intrudes. J pounces upon it with a mighty crash – the creature falters and I swiftly end its demise. Then I turn to the leader of this pack, this gnarled and wretched lady standing before me.

When do I feel alive? Cool steel catches my shoulder and I feel an invigorating warmth wrap me. My adversary grins and I push her weapon aside to return the greeting. Ildan stands by my side, elbow to elbow, guiding my strikes. The gnoll delights in its chest opening and lashes out with another flurry of blows. They strike true but my pack is with me, around me, together keeping me strong. I am cut and I bleed like everyone else, but it keeps me warm. Hot. I steam and snarl and bare my fangs – the world around me focuses upon a point. The space around me collects itself and guides my blow to taste more blood so that the pack may feed. It must feed! I catch more flesh with my weapon, but my adversary is worthy. She feeds off of the pain just as I. Together we are one in this moment. Together we are alive.

Ildan breaks our ritual and snaps things back into perspective. I stand between an enemy and her dead brood – she is desperate for vengeance. Her eyes are wild and betray her nature – I now she what she is not anymore. I give her death.

--

There’s a caravan around. The party breaks to find and collect. Count the dead and rummage for valuables. Track survivors. Below me is a crumpled corpse. It lies serene. No more beady eyes but still a quiet snarl. Her party around in the same position. Narcell’us kneels by one of the gnolls too. It looks like penance. I do the same and take my prize – a tooth. She was of a pack. I am of a pack too.