Newspaper clippings sent by Ant to her Monkle Joe on his hermit island.
Excerpts from The Volos Cutlass
Various, from the third week of Arman. Agatha Smee, ed.
BOUNTY OF BRAITHEWAITE BREAK-INS
Bother Braithewaite reports that numerous copy-catburglars have been making themselves free of his offices, likely as a result of the persistent rumour that the late Captain Smee entrusted him with a map of great value as part of his estate. Braithewaite comments “There are no more maps. No more maps! I barely have furniture left.” The Volos Volunteer City Watch reports that they cannot confirm whether this is the case.
INTERVIEW WITH A BANSHEE
The editors of The Cutlass would like its readership to know that no journalists were harmed in the making of this interview.
T. Oromë: I’m here in the depths of a cave close to the coast a little outside Volos with the resident banshee. You’re looking very well today - that ghostly cowl frames your face so effectively! Could you please state your name and address for the record?
T. Oromë: Fantastic. So how did you get into the banshee-ing business?
T. Oromë: That’s so interesting! So you just kind of fell into it and discovered you had a knack - I love when that happens. Do you think you’d do anything differently a second time?
T. Oromë: Oh, that’s completely understandable. When you’re living your best life, it can be difficult to think of life any other way.
T. Oromë: Oh, but gardening would be such a lovely alternate career! Obviously you’re a full-time menace, but do you keep a garden now?
T. Oromë: Oh, yes, I can imagine it would be difficult to get the sunlight for flowers with your condition. A fungi grotto, perhaps? Some mushrooms can be quite lovely.
T. Oromë: Oh yes, the colours and shapes can be very compelling, and many are medicinal in ways that might be useful in your current career - you’ll have to let me know how it goes. Many of our readers are fans of classic monstren such as yourself - do you have any tips for our readers looking to go into the menacing-adventurers field?
T. Oromë: Oh, I agree - self-confidence is the key to so many successful careers.
T. Oromë: An excellent vocal warmup and avoiding dairy products before a big day as well? Excellent advice. Thank you so much for meeting with me today, and best of luck with future hauntings!
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