When I meditate, it is like I am inside a thundercloud. But I am also the thundercloud. I am furious with the nothics. They robbed me of any chance to walk the Path of Grief. I have been slammed straight into accepting that I am the source of the rage. I am Malu. 

All I am left with is “why?” Why am I so angry? Am I angry? Or do I just love violence? Am I not Still Water? 

My grandmother used to say that most people fear the wolf howling in the night. But every so often, one will envy the wolf. Do I envy the wolf? Maybe I AM the wolf… A wolf that is angry because for too long it has tried to be a yak...

But what do I do?